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The Top 10 Ways to Choose a Good Partner |
by:
Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach |
Here are the top 10 ways to
choose a good partner using your emotional intelligence.
1. Sexual attraction is based on a primitive and powerful
feeling that can "hijack" us.
It comes from the reptilian brain and is automatic and powerful
because it relates to our survival. It is not, in
itself, a reason to act or react. Don’t let yourself get "hijacked."
Take a second look; get up to your limbic brain (bonding, parenting,
relationships) and your neocortex
(thinking)for this important decision. More on this later.
2. Touching is very important to our mental and physical health.
Choose a partner who is affectionate, who likes to touch you and
be touched.
3. Most communication is nonverbal.
Choose a partner who looks at you with affection and kindness
in their eyes. Emotions are contagious and largely transmitted
through the eyes!
4. Think as well as feel your way through this decision.
Emotional intelligence means using all 3 of your brains -- including
the neocortex, the thinking brain. Contrary to what some people
think, EQ doesn't mean "only emotions." It means
thinking as well as feeling. Consider compatibility -- family
background, values, goals, how he or she takes care of their physical
and mental health. Consider general living style. The find-a-roommate-site
asks just a few questions. Among them are -- drug use, when you
like to get up and go to bed, your level of neatness, and how
quiet you like it to be. Pay attention.
You’ll be living with this person. Do use your intuition. It's
a strong guide. Take advantage of it. If you need to develop your
intuition, work with an EQ ( http://www.susandunn.cc ) or Intuition
coach ( http://www.bemyguide.net ).
5. Consider the emotional self-awareness of your partner, and
their awareness of your emotions; their ability at empathy.
Studies show that one of the most predictive traits for compatibility
is if one partner is able to sense the sadness of the other.
6. How optimistic is this person ?
Optimism is the facilitator of all the emotional intelligence
competencies. In addition, optimists live longer, enjoy better
health, heal more quickly, and accomplish more. Emotions are
contagious, and optimism is a forcefield you want in your life.
It can be learned ( http://www.susandunn.cc/courses.htm ).
7. Be intentional and expect it in your partner.
Intentionality is an EQ competency that means saying what you
mean and meaning what you say. It also means being accountable
for the motives behind your actions. You’ll need to be in touch
with this yourself, and have a partner who is as well, because
partnering requires a commitment, i.e., Intentionality. Intentionality
means you’re not "allowed" to say, "I didn’t
mean to ..." High-level skill. Good one to look for.
8. Consider the level of your intended partner’s resilience.
You’ll be together a long time, through ups and downs, and life
can throw some curves. How do they manage adverse events and setbacks?
Do they bounce back eventually? Have they been able
to grow through adversity, not just go through it?
9. How do you and your partner manage anger--your own anger and
that of the other?
Studies show that the most successful couples are those who are
able to soothe one another instead of agitating and escalating
in an argument.
10. How balanced is their life?
Do they combine learning, working and leisure? Studies show that
people who die in their 5th and 6th decade have this life trajectory:
school, then work, then leisure. Resilient seniors
combine all three during all stages of life. You'll want the one
you love to be around a long time!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, offers personal coaching and Internet
courses for your personal and professional development.
12 Simple
Rules
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