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|
Is it Lust or Love -- How to Tell the Difference |
by:
Deborah Willis |
Far too many people,
both men and women alike, confuse lust for love. Physical attraction
alone will not withstand the test of time in relationships. Physical
attraction is an important factor but must never be the only factor
you rely upon when choosing a mate. Many make the mistake of confusing
lust and love and end up broken-hearted when the relationship
doesn't last.
Perhaps you're wildly attracted to someone and thoughts of that
person dominate your mind a good portion of the day and night.
Perhaps you can't wait until the next time the two of you will
be together again. When you are together you can't keep your hands
off one another and when you're apart, you fantasize about the
next time you can see one another. True love and lust are easily
confused because they are so much alike.
As a rule of thumb, if you share few other interests and have
nothing in common other than an overwhelming physical desire for
one another...it may be lust. If you have nothing of real value
to say to one another and have difficulty relating to one another
outside the sexual arena...it may be lust. If you don't particularly
enjoy one another's company unless you're having sex...it may
be lust.
On the other hand, if your relationship is based on factors other
than physical attraction and sex is not necessarily the number
one priority...it may be love. Most long-term relationships are
built on a strong friendship which turns into love over time.
Having sex is not the driving force behind the relationship, but
is a nice sideline to it.
There really is such a thing as "love at first sight". It happens
to many people and the relationship may last for the rest of their
lives. A budding relationship based on lust feels much the same
as one which is truly "love at first sight". So how do you tell
the difference?
Ask yourself the following questions. Read each question carefully
and really think about it before answering. When answering, try
to be as truthful as possible. If you can honestly and sincerely
answer "yes" to all or nearly all of the questions, it may be
safe to assume what you feel for the other person is actually
love and not merely lust.
Keep in mind, these questions are quite general and are in no
way a total and complete checklist.
1. Do you share similar ethics, values, and morals?
2. Do you find it easy to talk to one another and can you talk
freely about almost anything?
3. Do you enjoy the time you spend with one another, regardless
of the activity?
4. Do you enjoy even the most mundane activities when you are
together, simply because you ARE together?
5. Do you have a genuine concern for the happiness, safety, and
well-being of the other person?
6. Are you able to work out any differences you may have with
this person to the satisfaction of both of you?
7. When disagreements arise, are you able to discuss them openly
and frankly without losing your temper?
8. Do you find yourself longing for this person's presence in
your life in terms other than a sexual relationship? In other
words, do you feel a need simply to be with that person and spend
time with them even without having sex?
9. Can you laugh together and at one another, share jokes, and
generally have fun together?
10. Does spending time with this person make you feel good about
yourself?
11. Does this person give you a heightened sense of self-confidence
and vitality?
12. Can you look at this person even when they are at their worst
in their physical appearance (such as when they are sick) and
not feel repulsed?
13. Do you share a strong mutual respect for one another?
14. Are you willing and able to share both good times and bad
with this person and work through life's ups and downs together
as a team?
There is a very fine line between lust and love because the two
of them are closely related. Being able to tell the difference
can save you from wasting your time pursuing an unhealthy relationship
which is doomed to eventual failure.
If your long-term goal is to seek out a partner with whom you
can build a solid, lifetime commitment, knowing the difference
between lust and love is an essential and vital skill you'll want
to master. Learning to accept a relationship for what it really
is can mean the difference between a broken heart and a happy,
fulfilling, lifetime of bliss with your partner.
Copyright 2005 Deborah Willis All Rights Reserved
About the author:
Deborah Willis is the author of ATTRACT WOMEN -- The Average Man's
Guide to Attracting, Dating, Loving, and Maintaining Relationships
with Women.
1000
Questions For Couples
Make
Women Laugh And Fall In Love |
|
